When I started blogging this series about spiritually abuse leadership and toxic church/ministry systems, I had no idea that there would be such a huge amount of interest in it. Or that I’d find so many other bloggers who are survivors of spiritual abuse, posting about anything from abusive theologies to paradigms to leadership models to counseling issues to healing to how to confront toxic leaders/systems to how to find a healthy gathering to … Whew!
So, I am wondering something, and hope you’ll comment with your thoughts.
Assume some kind of summit or forum or wiki started to address recovery from spiritual abuse. What are the 3 top topics you’d like to see addressed? They can be anything you see as leading to spiritually abusive leaders and/or systems … helping us in our healing process … dealing with how we go forward in the future …
I’ll be really REALLY interested to see what you think.
Thanks for participating.
Back to Part 2B – Five Criteria (Continued) …
Back to Part 2C – Five Criteria (Concluded) …
Forward to Part 2D – Organizational Cultural Dynamics and Governance
Forward to Part 2E – Mentoring and Moving Toward Hope
April 1, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Perhaps you could explore how toxicity is not isolated to single individuals or events but rather built into the very fabric of inherited ecclesial models. You might also ask Richard Beck, an researcher in areas of toxic religion, to join the conversation. http://www.blogger.com/profile/06500628452135216019
April 1, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Hey, Brad…hmmm…top three, eh?
1. How to know when to stay and when to go (if you have a choice, that is)…and how to do that well.
2. How to know when to share your insights into the situation(s) with those in leadership (if that is even an option, of course)…and how to do that so it is received well…like a hierarchy of levels of issues to start with and progress to the core issues. (if that makes sense?)
3. How to detox when you choose to leave and have no opportunity for your side of the story to be heard — which means there will be no attempt at reconciliation and restoration. The resultant shunning and shallowness of any contacts is so hard….
I will be interested to see what other folks have on their list!
Be blessed, bro.
April 2, 2008 at 6:03 am
I’m a systems/patterns gal myself … so here’s what I’m interested in.
What are the systems/patterns that allow toxicity and abuse to occur? How do we all contribute to them? Because we all do … in some sense it is a symbiotic relationship and those of us in them are getting something out of it. What is that? And how can we change?
I will have to think some more about this to come up with others.
April 2, 2008 at 8:48 am
Well, I think there is probably enough collaborative power in this group to write a much-needed book. If only we were geographically situated to literally put our heads together.
I see systemic toxicity and recovery as separate but obviously related issues.
I think addressing systemic issues is vitally important in preventing or correcting toxic systems.
Learning the mechanics of how abuse occurs is also a very necessary aspect of emotional healing. It is empowering to learn about the dynamics of false authority and misuse of power within organizational structures.
The immediate need of most victims of spiritual abuse is counseling about their grief and post-traumatic pain.
Wrapped up in the grief are broken relationships, shunning, and working through anger, bitterness, and forgiveness.
These are the urgent, short-term needs for victims of abuse. Understanding toxic systems is a necessary, but more long-term aspect of recovery.
April 3, 2008 at 5:21 am
Reconnecting with God after a spiritually abusive or cultic experience.
Wendy Duncan
Author: I Can’t Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult
April 3, 2008 at 3:49 pm
What geography? I type on my keyboard, words appear on your screen….
April 3, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Yo, Bro. M…some of us process better “live” — and I’m figuring Grace and Sonja are more like me in that — maybe not. Too much nuance gets lost in virtual communications. :^(
April 4, 2008 at 4:27 am
What Bro M said …
April 4, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I may be reading my own situation into this subject but the understanding of the true gospel of grace was so helpful to me. Toxic churches are kept together by laws of some sort. The law gives you the method that you will be ok with God. Learning grace coming out of that was such a struggle as the same scriptures that were taught to give us law were supposed to lead us to grace.
Maybe how to study scripture anew or maybe for some, for the first time.
How to network with healthy people. Resources for healing. Resources to help convince your mind that you were not crazy or the only one out there.