Is It Time To Tell My Story?

Suggestions for Spiritual Abuse Survivors in the
How, When, and Why in Sharing Our Accounts of Recovery

Introduction

I’ve been writing about spiritual abuse and recovery since 2008. Part of what started me down this path was when I took Barbara Orlowski’s survey about experiences of spiritual abuse, responses to the perpetrator and organization, and the recovery process. Sadly, I had multiple severe experiences to draw from, but I must say that the process of completing her survey made a significant difference for me in understanding what happened to me, how bully leaders work over the people under them, and areas I needed to continue healing from.

I’ve also helped people process their story to write it for themselves. And I’ve written other people’s accounts for them, or set up investigative archives for several lawsuits or other major situations involving spiritual abuse. [Unfortunately, I’m not available to do any of these right now, so please don’t contact me to ask if I can help you. I'm swamped with finishing production of a curriculum series.]

At least journaling about our experiences of spiritual abuse and recovery is a process I highly recommend. You’ll likely find yourself exploring issues and answers you might never get into otherwise. But what happens if you’re feeling a nudge to do something more than just “process”? What if you sense you may be led to do something with the product of all that processing? Is it perhaps time to tell your story? And if so, how do you know when to do this, and what you should include? In this article, I’ve captured some practical how-to advice on these and related questions. Hope you find it of help …

Writing Respectfully and Defusing “Triggers”

Summary: Many people are now writing or commenting on spiritual abuse survivor topics. Given the damage to our souls wrought by so-called “discipleship,” it is no surprise that some of what we write demonstrates anger, sarcasm, innuendo, curses, and harsh or vulgar language. However, if this does perhaps help us in our venting about abuse and abusers, it can also prove “triggering” – not edifying – for others who read it. So, in this post, I offer some practical advice on Writing Respectfully and Defusing “Triggers” that I have learned over the years in my research writing on abuse, violence, and social action.

The following is adapted from comments I wrote for a post at The Wartburg Watch (TWW) this month, TWW Request Re: Language Used in Referencing Any Lawsuit/Ministry. This post arose from a previous comment.s someone else put on that blog that was apparently interpreted as threatening by another blogger, and this led to an extended community discussion on blog commenting policies and related language-based issues in the spiritual abuse survivors’ community. I picked up on topics related to what I see as disrespectful labeling or treatment of opponents, and language of abuse, gender, and sexual innuendo that can act as “trauma triggers” for survivors. Be sure to read the TWW post, as it also contains important suggestions and guidelines for writing about narrative accounts dealing with various kinds of abuse, and about navigating public disagreements about such situations.

Spiritual Abuse Survivors: The “Community” Becomes a “Movement”

January is “Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month”

If you read my last post on ““Hangover Unholiness” Left by Malignant Ministers: Spiritual Abuse Recovery Questions for 2013,” you may not have caught the comment that came in from my friend Linda of Kingdomgrace. She’s been a pioneer blogger in the spiritual abuse survivors community, and I appreciate her big-picture perspective on healing for individuals and how this works out in systems. Here’s what she said:

Brad, Really good questions. It seems detox has mostly been addressed at the personal level. You are doing important work identifying systemic issues at the organizational level. I think there is also a social-cultural aspect of detox that exists beyond the organization having to do with social identity, relationships, group think, etc. Your questions reminded me of how complex this issue is and how comprehensive approaches to healing must be.

Here is the reply I wrote. It covers some things I’ve been thinking about for a while on the impact of toxic systems dynamics, and I felt it was important enough to highlight in a follow-up post to the one on “Hangover Unholiness.”

Note: “Calvinistas” Post Updated

January is “Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month”

I have significantly updated an article I posted a month ago, overviewing the neo-Reformed movement that has been termed “Calvinistas.” Several friends told me that Definition and Description of the Term “Calvinistas” was too technical for them — which is how the first drafts of articles often emerge from my virtual pen. But my goal is to be as accessible as possible, even on technical topics. So I went back through it several times this week to re-edit it. Hopefully you’ll find the language more accessible, and more understandable because of descriptions I’ve added about what the neo-Reformed paradigm it is and isn’t.

The article introduces the militant “Calvinistas” movement; overviews some core issues in its ideology; and examines its typical authoritarian pyramid of privilege, its mission, and some of what distinguishes it from other contemporary movements in the post-Christendom era. It concludes with why our understanding this movement is vitally important for the health and future of the church in North America.

Also, please note that I DO NOT label all Calvinist/Reformed theologians as “Calvinistas.” There are very specific “markers” that identify the differences between the two.

Systems Dynamics in Toxic Organizations: Learning from What Happened at Lakeland

January is “Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month”

There is far more discussion these days on “systems dynamics” in churches and ministries, especially those that are showing themselves to be toxic. I believe we in the spiritual abuse survivors movement are now exploring these issues because of how much emerged in 2012 on the machinations behind the scenes in ministry organizations like Sovereign Grace Ministries, Mars Hill Church, and numerous other individual churches and mega-churches around North America. I’m especially concerned for all the “collateral damage” of people who’ve been steeped in the Sovereign Grace Ministries network, as they come to terms with the allegations and documentation in the class action lawsuit that has been filed. The “survivor community” is not just about individuals survivors or families who exit toxic churches and how to heal, it’s about entire entities and how to confront ingrained strategies and structures and methods and messages that have tainted the spirits of the people immersed in them.

The need to help new waves of survivors and “nones” will never go away, but it feels like a radically new dimension of diagnosis and treatment has opened up, for dealing with organizational dynamics that need either radical transformation to survive, and closure to shut down. But these are not topics we’re generally aware of. At least, not yet. Where do we go to learn more? Here are links to two case studies …

“Hangover Unholiness” Left by Malignant Ministers: Spiritual Abuse Recovery Questions for 2013

January is “Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month”

For the past several years, January has been designated as “Spiritual Abuse Awareness” month. I’ve been intentional to post something relevant on the topic at least in January – though this is one of my major blog topics, all year round.

For 2013, it seems my focus may be shifting. I’ve been blogging here extensively on spiritual abuse the past five years, mostly on analyzing the dynamics of “malignant ministers,” spiritually abusive organizational structures, and the toxic cultures they create. Some of my writing has been on personal recovery issues, and it seems some new dimensions on this topic are on line for me to explore this year …

Definition and Description of the Term “Calvinistas”

I wrote the original version of the following article as a comment on a spiritual abuse survivor blog post about a controversy involving a “Calvinista” denunciation of gender parity in a particular parachurch ministry’s leadership teams. This “neo-Reformed” movement has become pervasive in the past few years, and I have already written extensively on many of the individual elements in its faith and practice. So, I thought I would edit my comment and present it here as a summary of how I define and describe this movement of “the Calvinistas,” based on my readings about individuals and organizations that have been so labeled, and my analyses of their paradigms (dominant forms of information processing, values, beliefs, organizational structures, forms of collaboration, and cultures).

NOTES: To keep this article from being totally technical, I’ve gone back through to re-edit it to make the language more accessible, and to add some descriptions of what it is and isn’t. Also, please note that I DO NOT categorize all Calvinist/Reformed theologians as “Calvinistas.” There are very specific “markers” that identify the differences between the two.

“Abuse and Pastors: An Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors” by Pastor Jeff Crippen

Pastor Jeff Crippen of Tillamook, Oregon, wrote the open letter below to share from his heart as a pastor to other pastors, on the topic of abuse. He blogs on A Cry for Justice, and his open letter on Abuse and Pastors was posted on September 6, 2012. I am reposting it here in full, as Pastor Crippen required when he gave permission for it to be recopied. Also, if you repost it or use it for ministry purposes, please let Pastor Crippen know.

Before sharing his letter, I’d like to share briefly some of my interest in the issues of domestic violence and sexual abuse. I have long been concerned about the need for resources for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other forms of abuse, neglect, and violence. This burden was mostly planted by my sister, a strong Christian who began her volunteer work with survivors of battering in about 1975. This was a time when many communities ignored battering, and most churches did nothing about domestic violence – which actually amplified the wounds and intensified the pain for those victimized.

Editing Update June 28 – Piecing Up the Picks

It’s easy to think that you’re writing a book because of what you’ve learned, but I wonder if I’ve actually learned more than I would’ve otherwise BECAUSE I’m writing this book. It’s forcing me to synthesize what I’ve observed in my own experiences of surviving spiritual abuse, along with concepts I found in Scripture because I had no where else to turn for answers on what happened, along with practical things I’ve learned since then to help me move from victim to survivor to overcomer. I trust my identity is in Christ, and not in the layer of life dealing with malignant ministry leaders.

The past few days have helped me understand why this editing process bogged down for a while. Yes, editing is slow-going work. But there was something else going on …

Editing Update June 23 – Prayer Brings Breakthrough!

Editing your own writings can be excruciating … well, make that “IS,” not “can be”! I have so much material to draw from on this first book that it’s been hard to find a pathway through it. I want to make it workable and practical and digestible, but it’s seemed impossible. Very frustrating …