I-6 FAQs: Spiritual Abuse, Toxic Systems, Recovery

SECTIONS ON THIS INDEX PAGE

• Spiritual Abuse Resource Pages
• Introduction
• Spiritual Abuse Victims/Survivors and Supporters
  • Becoming a Survivor
  • Healing from Spiritual Abuse
  • Reaching Out … and Pushing Back
• Spiritual Abuse Perpetrators and Their Enablers/Perpetuators
  • Identifying Malignant Ministers and Enablers
  • Toxic Tactics and Power Dynamics
    
  • What Do Health and Healing Look Like for Leaders?
• Toxic Organizational Systems
  • Identifying Toxic Systems
  • What Do Healthy and Renovated Systems Look Like?
• Getting a Big-Picture Perspective

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06 FAQs: Spiritual Abuse and Recovery,

Toxic versus Healthy Systems

Spiritual Abuse Resource Pages

• Spiritual Abuse, Recovery, and Advocacy Article Index and index on Identifying and Dealing with Abusive Systems. – Includes series and individual posts on futuristguy writings on related topics, plus links and one-paragraph descriptions.
• Abuse Case Studies. Categorized case studies and archives on spiritual abuse, including both “negative” (destructive, abusive) situations and “positive” (constructive, exemplary) responses
  
• Spiritual Abuse Book Lists – Two extensive lists of primary Christian books on spiritual abuse – categorized and chronological – and tips for how to use each.
• Spiritual Abuse FAQs – Writings since 2007 by futuristguy on spiritual abuse, toxic organizations, and recovery – put into FAQ format.
• Legal, Media, Ministry, and Organizational Research on Abuse – Resource page on technical topics related to spiritual abuse, e.g., non-profit problems, different “thresholds of evidence,” child abuse and mandatory reporting, hostile work environment, “digital dissent,” SLAPP suits, documenting and writing your story of spiritual abuse.

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Introduction

This is a long-term project, with more items to be added when I can. It won’t take long to notice that multiple links to the same question contain a lot of duplication — and probably a lot of gaps in the responses, too. That’s because the first stage in this project is just gathering together “chunks” of relevant information from a variety of places. The originating articles may go back as far as 2007, when I was just beginning to write about abuse issues. So, the perspectives from that early era will not be as clear or advanced as from articles written this year.

At some later time, the next stage will be to put the pieces together and edit them to come up with a more scaled down and polished version. Meanwhile, some of the additional questions I intended to respond to are listed as “forthcoming.”

The following responses to frequently asked questions about spiritual abuse link to posts on my futuristguy blog, and to comments I’ve made on other blogs posts.

If it is a blog post, the actual title linked to may not say FAQs or the exact question – but it addresses the question somewhere in the article. Please be aware that I’m not necessarily giving the full title of a post as the link. Also, a series of links after a question may not all be from the same series I originally posted on that subject – some questions use links drawn from multiple series I’ve written.

If I’ve copied and pasted on my blog a comment I made elsewhere, I may have added links and formatting that were not in the original, plus made minor corrections. Perhaps I’ve added an introduction to help understand the context of the comment. Otherwise, the text here is substantially what it was there, and to get the overall context you may want to go back to the original post on the linked blog.

The Spiritual Abuse Article Index page shares summary descriptions of most the following posts that appear on futuristguy, excluding the FAQ articles. Hopefully their titles work well as a summary description of the content.

Also, because I comment on a range of contemporary situations in the North American church, you may find me occasionally using the following abbreviations. Here are those terms, with links to some of the related case studies or archives I’ve produced. In them you will find numerous examples about what spiritual abuse perpetrators and enablers, toxic organizational systems, and challenges and recovery (or lack thereof) look like.

• BGBC = Beaverton Grace Bible Church.
• CC = Calvary Chapel.
• EV = Emergent Village.
• IBLP = Institute in Basic Life Principles [Bill Gothard].
• Lakeland = Lakeland Outpouring [Todd Bentley].
• MH / MHC = Mars Hill / Mars Hill Church. See especially the table of contents for the extensive Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill Church Research Guide.
• PBC = Prestonwood Baptist Church.
• SGM = Sovereign Grace Ministries.
• VF / VFM = Vision Forum / Vision Forum Ministries [Doug Phillips]

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Spiritual Abuse Victims/Survivors and Supporters

Becoming a Survivor

What made me susceptible to being taken in by a someone bent on misusing their position of authority/power for spiritual abuse — and how is vulnerability not the same as responsibility?

• What made me susceptible to spiritual abuse?
• Set-Ups for Being Picked Off by Authoritarian Leaders – Part 1: Susceptibilities to Seduction by Those with No Conscience.
• Set-Ups for Being Picked Off by Authoritarian Leaders – Part 2: Dynamics of Fatherlessness and Susceptibility to Substitutes.
• Some Thoughts on Supposedly Feminist Men Who Reportedly Abuse/Harass Women.

Healing from Spiritual Abuse

How do I know I’m healing from spiritual abuse?

• How do I know I’m healing from spiritual abuse?
• Veterans Day, PTSD, The Lord of the Rings, and Winnie-the-Pooh.

What are some constructive ways to leave the past and move ahead?

• Spiritual Abuse Part 1: Five Personal Lessons from My Surviving Toxic Leaders.

What kinds of practices will help me heal? [Personal support, justice, validation, and constructive experiences to counteract the destructive ones.]

• Reflections on Malignant Ministries and God’s Mercies Thereafter.
• What Sparks a Paradigm Shift and Where Can We Find Hope?

How can I find authentic hope and wholeness? [Security, Identity, Belonging, Purpose, Competence.]

• Spiritual Abuse Part 3A: Finding Authentic Hope and Wholeness.
• Bilbo’s Acorn, and Finding Hope in Battle.

How can arts, beauty, and creativity contribute to healing?

• Part 1 – Theoretical.
• Part 2 – Experiential.

How do I learn to discern so I’m less likely to get taken in again — and can help prevent what happened to me from happening to others?

• Spiritual Abuse Part 2B: Five Criteria Continued … Learning Discernment.
• Lakeland Part 1: Discernment and the Costly Descent into Darkness.
• Lakeland Part 2: Considering Various Sources ….

What does it looks like for someone to return to a functional life after deep brokenness, how does that comes about, and what does it means for the Kingdom?

• Redemption and Restoration Part 1: The Power of the Powerless.

Reaching Out … and Pushing Back

What kinds of questions could we ask to identify and/or responsibly challenge abusive leaders and systems, and to help people recover?

• Reflections on Malignant Ministries 2: Three Additional Lessons Learned.
• “Hangover Unholiness” Left by Malignant Ministers: Spiritual Abuse Recovery Questions for 2013.

What is “advocacy” and why is it important to survivors?

• Thoughts on Redemption in the Wake of Abuse: Agents of Damage versus Agents of Healing.
• Advocacy Dominoes: One Person’s Record of Courage Can Set Off a Chain of Recovery.

What things should I watch out for if/when I feel led to share my story about spiritual abuse?

• Why is it important to know/share my story?
• Basic overview: Is It Time To Tell My Story?
• Advanced tools: Tutorial #9 on Transformation.
• Considering our audiences: Writing Respectfully and Defusing “Triggers.”
• Technical issues: Spiritual Abuse Legal/Media Research.

How do intervention, interception, and prevention fit in with challenging toxic systems and leaders, and what are survivors looking for from churches to show they are supportive?

• Spiritual Abuse Part 2C: Five Criteria Concluded … Detailed Criteria.
• Five Absolute Minimum Actions to Show “Good Faith” Efforts on Behalf of Abuse Victims, Advocates, Activists.

What is “digital dissent” and what does it have to do with challenging toxic systems?

• [Forthcoming.]

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Spiritual Abuse Perpetrators

and Their Enablers/Perpetuators

Identifying Malignant Ministers and Enablers

How could he ever be abusive, when he seems really nice, genuine, and apologetic?

• How could he ever be abusive, when he just seems so “nice”?
• Real Repentance Changes Behavior, But Pseudo-Repentance Stops at Remorse.

How do an abuser’s role of power and malignant paradigm go together?

• How do an abuser’s authority, theology, and pathology interrelate?
• Mars Hill, Emergent Movement, Emergent “Meltdown”?

What about leaders who seem to have personality disorders – extremely self-centered, no conscience, no compassion?

• Read Chuck DeGroat’s book, When Narcissism Comes To Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse (InterVarsity Press, 2020), especially chapters 2 through 5, to get the big picture of what is going on and why.
• See this entire page with “Narcissism Notes” for my thoughts on Chuck DeGroat’s book. The following specific posts give some general background on personality disorders and specifics of how that relates to narcissistic leaders:
  • NARCISSISM NOTES #4–Basics About Narcissism, Chapter 2: “Understanding Narcissism.”
  • NARCISSISM NOTES #6–Pastors and Narcissism, Ch. 4: “Characteristics of the Narcissistic Pastor.”
  • NARCISSISM NOTES #7–Pastors and Narcissism, Chapter 5: “The Inner Life of a Narcissistic Pastor.”

What sorts of roles can abuse perpetrators and their enablers take, and what are hallmarks of each role?

• Thoughts on Redemption in the Wake of Abuse: Agents of Damage versus Agents of Healing.

Who are “Commenders” and what roles do they play in perpetuating/enabling abuse in an organization?

• Commenders Who Prop Up and Perpetuate an Authoritarian System.
• Who are “Commenders” and how do they enable spiritual abuse perpetrators?

Toxic Tactics and Power Dynamics

What are strategies and tactics of leaders who are abusive?

• What are strategies and tactics of leaders who are abusive?

What is “objectification”?

• Spiritual Abuse Part 3C: Power Addiction is Like Porn.

How does the “mental illness” label get used in spiritual abuse?

• How does the “mental illness” label get used in spiritual abuse?

What is “gaslighting”?

• When Abusers “Controversialize” and “Gaslight” Victims to Deflect from Their Own Responsibility.
  
• How does the “mental illness” label get used in spiritual abuse?

What is “spiritual negligence”?

• [Forthcoming.]

What are “power dynamics” — and requiring (unconditional) submission — about in abuse by someone in a position of authority?

• Spiritual Abuse Part 3C: Power Addiction is Like Porn.
• Thoughts on the New Apostolic Reformation.
• Thoughts on Updated Versions of The Shepherding Movement.
• The SBC and Polity — and Authority, Civic Responsibility, Systems Connectivity, and Toxicity.

What is “clergy sexual misconduct” and what makes it different from “an affair”?

• See this page on Clergy Sexual Misconduct and Fiduciary Duty, especially the opening section.
• Grooming and seduction by someone who has power over us is not a relationship of equals — Issues of Language: Removing Neutrality Toward Abusers and Negativity Toward Survivors.

How can irresponsible endorsement of unqualified or disqualified leaders happen?

• Lakeland Part 3: Seven Critical Lapses in Leadership and an Appeal to Own Our Responsibilities.

What’s gone wrong with church discipline, and what does it look like to do it right?

• Reflections on Malignant Ministries 2: Three Additional Lessons Learned.

What Do Health and Healing Look Like for Leaders?

What levels of complicity, culpability, and responsibility do spiritual abusers and those who prop them up have, and what should we do about it?

• For an extensive development of these topics, see the series on Responsibility for Spiritual Abuse:
• Part 1 – Questions of Culpability, Complicity, and Recovery.
• Part 2A – The “Pyramid of Responsibility” in Toxic Systems.
• Part 2B – The “Pyramid of Responsibility” in Toxic Systems.
• Part 3A – Taking Responsibility, Being Conciliatory, Exploring Just and Appropriate Remedy.
• Part 3B – Steps 1-2-3 – Concepts, Questions, and Continuums for Building a Comprehensive “Remediation Plan.”
• Part 3C – Step 4 – Concepts, Questions, and Continuums for Building a Comprehensive “Remediation Plan.”
• Part 3D – Step 5, Overview. Dealing with Toxic Leaders Who Need Healing and Sick Organizational Systems That Need Repairing.
• Part 3E – Step 5, Layer 1. Abusive Leaders Need to Deal with Personal Issues.
• Part 3F – Step 5, Layer 2. Abusive Leaders Need to Deal with Interpersonal Issues.
• Part 3G – Step 5, Layer 3. Affected Groups Need to Deal with Toxic Leaders.
• Part 3H – Step 5, Layer 4. Affected Groups Need to Deal with Sick Organizational Systems.

What are some indicators of genuine restoration to watch for in those who have abused their ministry position, versus counterfeit repentance hiding under the garb of reinstatement to leadership?

• Redemption and Restoration Part 2-The Restoration of the Powerful.
• Only an Independent Investigation Can Remove the Cloud of Suspicion Over Sovereign Grace Churches.
• UN-accountable: Case Study in Systems Analysis and Ministerial Accountability: Part 5 ~ Where Accountability Systems for Tullian Tchividjian Broke Down or Broke Through.
• Tullian Tchividjian and Fortress Press: Don’t Legitimate Second Chances Require a Real Track Record of Repentance First?

What do relatively healthy leaders and churches look like?

• Spiritual Abuse Part 2A: Five Criteria I Now Use to Choose a Relatively Healthy Fellowship.
• Spiritual Abuse Part 2C: Five Criteria Concluded … Detailed Criteria.
• Spiritual Abuse Part 2E: Mentoring and Moving Toward Hope.

When leaders prove themselves abusive, what is restitution about, and should they be “restored” — allowed to keep a platform of influence?

• Abusers Commit Irrevocable Acts Bringing Inevitable Consequences Upon Them and Their Institutions.
• Thoughts on Abuse, Position, Power – and Restitution.
• Conducting Restitution When Our Leadership Causes Damage.
• Questions on Criteria We Use for Endorsing a Ministry Influencer.
• An Open Letter to “Together for the Gospel”: Don’t Tether Your Future to C.J. Mahaney’s Past.

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Toxic Organizational Systems

Identifying Toxic Systems

What are “systems” and “systemic abuse” about?

• A “Systems Approach” and Some Historical Background on Dealing with Abuse and Violence.
• Project Update: May 2016 ~ Part 1. Last 3 Pieces of Development Done …

What’s the main difference between sin and evil?

• Malignant Ministry ~ Excerpt 1: Discerning and Dismantling Systems of Spiritual Abuse.

What do “safe” versus “abusive” environments for personal and social transformation include?

• What do “safe” versus “abusive” environments for personal and social transformation include?
• What Makes a Ministry “Safe”?
• Key Indicators of “Safe” Institutions and “Qualified” Spokespeople.
• Project Update ~ 15 Indicators for Discerning Robust versus Hazardous Systems: Who and What Deserves Our Trust?

What are the research criteria for identifying authoritarian “sociological cults”?

• For an overview, see: What kinds of “cults” are there, and what are some criteria?
• For detailed indicators that have been in use since 1961, and study questions for individuals and groups, see Robert Jay Lifton’s research criteria for identifying “cults” in the series, Lessons from The Hunger Games – How Do We Discern Dystopian Dynamics and Totalitarian Tactics?
• Part A. Dystopian Dynamics, Totalitarian Tactics, and Lifton’s Criteria for Identifying “Cults.”
• Part B. Identifying Cults: Authoritarian Communications, Motivations, Restrictions, and Confessions.
• Part C. Identifying Cults: Ultimate Vision, Reductionist Language, Ideological Conformity, and Social Ostracism.
• Or download the PDF of Lessons from the Hunger Games – Parts A-B-C.

What are different ways a leader/organization can exert social control?

• Five Kinds of Social Control Cultures: Compliance, Chaos, Charisma, Competition, and Cruelty.

What are some differences between a “sociological cult,” a “religious cult,” and a “heretical Christian cult”?

• Overview: What kinds of “cults” are there, and what are some criteria?
• Theological/heretical cults: Reflections on Malignant Ministries 2: Three Additional Lessons Learned.

How do “interlocking directories” fit into toxic organizational systems?

• How do “interlocking directories” fit into toxic organizational systems?

How is it that toxic ministries usually are steeped in misogyny?

• What’s been the trajectory of misogyny in emerging ministry?

How do “cultures of consumerism” contribute to unhealthy dynamics for leaders and followers in ministries?

• Review of *UnLeader* by Lance Ford.

What does a comprehensively toxic “paradigm” look like?

• Definition and Description of the Term “Calvinistas.”

What Do Healthy and Renovated Systems Look Like?

What do relatively healthy leaders and churches look like?

• Spiritual Abuse Part 2A: Five Criteria I Now Use to Choose a Relatively Healthy Fellowship.
• Spiritual Abuse Part 2C: Five Criteria Concluded … Detailed Criteria.
• Spiritual Abuse Part 2E: Mentoring and Moving Toward Hope.
• Five Reasons Why *5Q* by Alan Hirsch is a Need-to-Read Book.

How can abusive systems be changed?

• Spiritual Abusers, Toxic Systems, and God’s “Gestalt of Grace”
• Trajectories, Transformations, and the Mighty Metaphor of the Humble Slingshot.
• What Will It Take for the SBC to “Clean House”? Four Suggestions from a Futurist.

How can we work toward system solutions to repair toxic organizations – insofar as possible, if they are not so corroded that they should be imploded?

• Lakeland Part 3 – Addendum #2: Reconstructing Ministry Systems-Six Trends Toward Systems Solutions.
• Lakeland Part 3 – Addendum #3: Reconstructing Ministry Systems-When Churches are Like Leaky Ships, How Do We Fix the Boat?
• Lakeland Part 3 – Addendum #4: Reconstructing Ministry Systems-How Do We Fix a Leaky Boat, and Who Can Best Lead in Doing So?

How can churches become safe places for spiritual abuse survivors?

• Malignant Ministry ~ Excerpt 2: “Safe Houses for God’s People.”
• Response to Ben Reed’s Article on “Post-Traumatic Church Disorder.”

What should we include as building blocks in a certification system for healthy leaders and holistic organizations?

• Part 1 – Introducing “Do Good Plus Do No Harm.”
• Part 2 – Top 20 Problems I’ve Encountered in Organizations.
• Part 3 – Top 10 Dimensions Our Systems Need to Equip Participants and Counteract Abuse of Power.
• Part 4 – Leadership Certification Checkpoints and System Trustworthiness Checklist.

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Getting a Big-Picture Perspective

What can we learn about authoritarian leaders and systems from George Orwell’s dystopian masterwork, Nineteen Eighty-Four?

• Lakeland Part 3 – Addendum #1: Notes, Quotes, and Questions on Reconstructing Authority.

What is the “Christian/Evangelical Industrial Complex” that spiritual abuse survivors talk about?

• Part 1 – Culturology, futurology, and three frameworks for decoding the Christian Industrial Complex.
• Part 2 – Framework #1. Trajectory arcs of emerging subculture movements and interactions with the mainstream.
• Part 3 – Framework #2. Power dynamics that corrode populism into consumerism.
• Part 4 – Framework #3. Psycho-social strategies and structures that lock people into toxic systems.
• Part 5 – Christian Industrial Complexes, institutionalized social movements, and the dark side of toxic systems.

What lessons can we learn from the history of apartheid and the post-apartheid Truth and Reconciliation Commission give us about systemic abuse, surviving, recovery, and reconciliation processes?

• How is post-apartheid history relevant to issues of abuse survivors, perpetrators, and the community?
• Willow Creek and Rapprochement: Truth THEN Reconciliation; Accountability OR Consequences.

What are some of the historical background movements and emerging trends within spiritual survivor communities?

HISTORICAL BACKGROUND

• Forty Years of Trends Leading to #MeToo, #ChurchToo, and #SBCToo.
• Domestic Violence, Ministry, and Controversy in Conservative Christianity: Some Historical Context and Perspective.
• Tributes for Two Teachers ~ Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2015.

MORE RECENT SOCIAL MOVEMENTS AND TRENDS

• Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month: Emerging Issues, 2012. [2012]
• “Hangover Unholiness” Left by Malignant Ministers: Spiritual Abuse Recovery Questions for 2013. [2013]
• Spiritual Abuse Survivors: The “Community” Becomes a “Movement.” [2013]
• Systems Dynamics in Toxic Organizations: Learning from What Happened at Lakeland. [2013]
• Trends, Turning Points, and Tipping Points in Spiritual Abuse Survivor Communities (2014) – Part 1: Setting the Stage, and Part 2: New Observations, Analysis, Interpretations. [2014]
• Spiritual Abuse Survivor Communities ~ 10 Trend Projections and Predictions for 2016-2020. [2016]
• Survivor Blogging Trends 2017: Part One – Past Articles (2012-2016) on Trends in Spiritual Abuse Survivor Communities. [2017]
• Survivor Blogging Trends 2017: Part Two – Survivor Blogs Aren’t the Same as Discernment Blogs. [2017]
• Survivor Blogging Trends 2017: Part Three – Positive Trends in Survivor Blog Communities. [2017]
• Survivor Blogging Trends 2017: Part Four – Challenge #1 – We’re Working Mostly in Words. [2017]
• Survivor Blogging Trends 2017: Part Four – Challenge #2 – Natural Limits of Crowd-Sourced Fact Gathering. [2017]

What are Christian “abuse survivor communities” all about? Who is in them? How do they relate with the #MeToo social movement? What systemic abuse problems in the Church are they challenging and how? What do they want to see change? What are major internal differences that could pose problems to collaboration?

• What Do Abuse Survivors Want? Some FAQs and Observations for Leaders of the SBC.
• Abuse-Related Resources and Survivor Community Vetting of Advocates.
• GC2 and Questions to Evaluate Our Expertise on Systemic Abuse and Sexual Violence.
• Reflections on The Courage Conference 2018.
• Cultural Geography of Survivor Communities.

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All materials (c) Brad Sargent except where otherwise noted.

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